small. why doesn't anyone really get how small we are. how everything around us is. its so small..
this is all nothing. we all might as well be nothing, too.
we're nothing compared to the real things that live inside us.. nothing..
this doesn't matter.. these details..
why does everyone get so caught in these details..

the more I learn, the more distant I feel. I feel like I aged 100 years.





"Have I found you?
Flightless bird
Grounded, bleeding
Or lost you?"


I want to stay in one piece, but momentary composure is hardly worth this.


nothing makes sense. everything that used to mean one thing, now means another.
everything is awkward, and uncomfortable. I feel colder then ever, and like nothing can warm me.
this is a perfect time to either be frantic, anxious.. and stand on the very edge
or to learn to take whatever comes my way
I feel like I'm stubbornly standing my ground right in the middle. I'm moving, but only because I'm being pushed.
and I don't have the necessary energy needed to fight it.
everything I see, is in a new light. or more like, no light at all. and I have to squint really hard to keep my eyes focused on whats going on.
things I used to consider simple have become such an effort. I have to constantly remind myself whats right and whats wrong. the lines are so blurred.
and this has nothing to do with you not being around. this has nothing to do with missing you.
and this has everything to do with what was left behind.. my eyes torn wide open, and the huge hole of nothing blocking my view
life keeps throwing things my way to fill it.. but I refuse them all. I'd rather have my nothing, if its not the one thing I want.
but I see how easy it is to slip into unconsciousness.
everything I've feared, has come out and faced me. everything.
there's literally nothing I can think of right now that I could be scared of.
and I think I've had it wrong my entire life.. life isn't ugly.
life is weak.

I've learned a lot.


I know I'm having dreams every night..
but every night, they've all been the same,
always too blurry for me to make out whats going on.
I can't understand what that would mean,
but all I know is these days have been just as blurry,
in a whole different sense.