my thoughts...

I'm realizing now that I haven't been honest with myself.  not even my writing is completely honest.  I carefully share bits and pieces of my feelings, so disconnected that no one could ever string them together just right to know what I'm really thinking, to understand how I really feel.. to find out all my secrets.  only I know the truth, and even though I've tried to forget it, it follows me.  whenever I close my eyes, whenever I let my thoughts drift off on their own, whenever I dream, whenever I see an imitated version of love in front of my eyes.. everything.. the truth is there.  I can't ignore it.  I can't ignore you.  I never could.  I'll never feel the way you made me feel.  I'll never love as much, I'll never hurt as much, I'll never need so much.