my thoughts...

I'm realizing now that I haven't been honest with myself.  not even my writing is completely honest.  I carefully share bits and pieces of my feelings, so disconnected that no one could ever string them together just right to know what I'm really thinking, to understand how I really feel.. to find out all my secrets.  only I know the truth, and even though I've tried to forget it, it follows me.  whenever I close my eyes, whenever I let my thoughts drift off on their own, whenever I dream, whenever I see an imitated version of love in front of my eyes.. everything.. the truth is there.  I can't ignore it.  I can't ignore you.  I never could.  I'll never feel the way you made me feel.  I'll never love as much, I'll never hurt as much, I'll never need so much. 

an accident.  a beautiful accident.. but an accident all the same.  maybe too beautiful for this world, and so it wasn't. 

once I said forever.. well I didn't even have to.. forever found me, and it took me.  it still has me, tied down to a promise I can't keep.  I'm locked to something that can never happen.  I should have known that from that moment on, my life would never make sense.  I feel like my fate became impossible.  and all I can think about is how life is full of options.. thats how it progresses.  but what happens when you cross paths with something that doesn't give you an option?  how do you continue..

I know that time passes, but I think it's left without me.  and soon there will be no tomorrow for this story.